according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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