A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We left the knife in your bed.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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