Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
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