oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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