At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
