for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
