just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I want a musical about memes.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
