More tranny stories later!
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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