i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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