I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
