this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
