you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
