I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The beers last night were like the tears from god
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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