i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
