Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i barfeds in our rink
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
