I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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