hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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