Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I party with great urgency now.
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