the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
