like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
