It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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