im drinking this country out of the recession.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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