I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
