the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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