I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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