She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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