i just sent this text using only my big toe
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
