We won't sleep together?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
