At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
