Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
