it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
