Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
