I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
