i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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