just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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