the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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