i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
