I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Two words: blizzard sex
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
