I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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