He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
