I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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