You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
