I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
