Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
