It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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