Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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