You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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