this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
