i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
