I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
