We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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