i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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