i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
