where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
