like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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