We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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