I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
