When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
