My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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