I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
